Gyro

Wanted by the FBI: Gyro

The FBI is offering a reward of up to $32,000 for information that leads to the identification, arrest, and conviction of internet commentator Gyro.

Remarks:

Gyro has the following tattoos: a deer antler on their lower back; a blood splatter atop a legend on their right ankle; and a photo-realistic image of a mad cow on their forehead.

Details:

Gyro is wanted for the armed robbery of an adult novelty toy location. They were recorded on camera clearly attacking the store clerk with a police squad. After the assault, they ransacked the store and ran off, stealing an estimated $4000 worth of used Bad Dragon toys. A second security camera spotted Gyro two blocks down the road, handing the blood-splattered police squad to a confused homeless person. If you see Gyro, call our hotline immediately. Do not attempt to apprehend this suspect on your own, as witnesses have described Gyro to be as “useless, deadly, and a terrible dresser to boot.”